Sporadic feelings in recovery

Anger and resentment every so often over-flood my heart.

I try and struggle to stay an observer, simply let them depart.

I recognize they are only feelings, and were never part of me,

But the eager stabs at acceptance are ones that reject me.

Each time I sit in emotions, agreeing to my current fate,

My heart increases speed, and the thoughts carry on to berate.

Each reaction noticeably stronger than the last,

They come, they go, they end residing in the past.

Sleep I loose,

Pain, abuse,

Heart palpitations I gain,

Strong urges to smack my brain.

Finding the idea of responding soothing

Scares me, but I also find it amusing.

I lost the plot.

This has to stop.

Laughs.